She’s six now. Solona. I still remember the first time I saw her. A little red ball of life. Slick hair and long, skinny feet. The doctor placed her on my chest and I started talking to her. She immediately tried to raise her head and open her eyes to look at me. Her cry was faint and pretty. It was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. My daughter. The voice of my own child. I’ll never forget how it seemed motherhood just took over my whole psyche from moment one. All of a sudden I just knew what to do. I knew how to keep a whole human alive. From that day forward, my life would be forever different.
Six years later, it’s not as easy to keep this human alive.
She can talk.
She now has opinions about her little life, and ideas about the way things should work. She thinks she knows everything. At six.
It’s not as simple as just making sure she’s fed, changed, and well rested. As a matter of fact, it’s a struggle to get her to eat at all sometimes. Unless it’s some sort of sweets. Bottom line is: where is the manual for this part, because it doesn’t come as naturally.
I question myself far too often now. Am I doing this right? Are my decisions going to benefit her in the long run? Am I setting a good example, since she’s soaking up absolutely everything she sees now? Am I disciplining her enough? Too much? Who is she going to be? Am I helping to cultivate her natural abilities? Am I encouraging her dreams enough? Does she need piano lessons? Should we be vegan? Am I poisoning my child with all this processed food?
She’s type A. Does it stress her when we’re late, because I’m the most type B person I know.
It’s not so easy anymore. You know? And we’re only six years in. What will I do when she’s sixteen?
As a mother I'm still learning and growing, and currently I feel the need to change some things up. I want to be better. I want my daughter to have the best life (not by filling it with things, but with purpose and gratefulness). Not saying there’s anything wrong with the mother I am now.
Solona is an intelligent, healthy, and well-rounded child.
I just think there is always room for growth, and as parents it’s our job to pay attention and be willing to grow as our children do.
I'm going to start with minimalizing our life. I watched an amazing documentary recently, called Minimalism. It was right on time for this change I feel coming on. I recommend it for every single person, parent or not. It was life changing. Find it on Netflix. Or click HERE for the trailer.
This journey Solona and I are about to embark on will definitely be filled with trial and error.
I'll be sure to share my learning with you, here.
Xx
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