Honestly, it’s kinda blowing my whole mind that I’m an actual, for real author now. Like, I can add that to my list of who/what I am/do. You know what I’m saying? It’s wild!
Because for the longest I’ve been saying, “I’m writing a book.” And “I wanna write books and travel the world,” when people would ask what I saw for myself long term. And most of the time when I’d say it, I wasn’t even physically in the process of working on it. For years I wrote in small blocks of time. Like, I’d write consistently for a couple weeks, and then it’d be months before I returned to it. I used to get so down about it, I can recall. Because I felt like I was failing at ‘becoming’, you know what I mean? And even when I’d try, I couldn’t force it, and I thought I should be able to just kind of turn on when I needed to. Thought I should be able to just sit down and write. A book. A whole book. In my mind it was supposed to be that easy.
But it’s not just that easy.
It’s not just that easy to do anything that’s really worth it. The things that are most important to us are the things that require the most from us. The things that are worth it require sacrifice and focus and determination. Even more, they require faith in the unknown and the unseen. And they require time, patience, and trust in the process.
In all this time the greatest lesson has been this: Time is always on my side when I allow it to be. Let me tell you something. Even though the majority of my book is set back years ago, it has only come full circle in recent years. So, it turns out the book wasn’t ready to be written. You see? And I’d been blaming myself for not being serious enough about my craft. Norma Jarrett, Bestselling Author, told me once that, “You’ll write it when you’re ready.” I attended a writing workshop she hosted probably four years ago. That was such an important moment. Such an important seed planted.
She was right. And at the end of 2016 I was ready to birth this thing that’d been growing and growing on the inside. It was getting uncomfortable in there. Kind of like the experience of contractions. It needed to come out. Nothing else could grow in me until it did. I was trying to do other things: music, women’s outreach, student outreach, I tried selling tees with my cousin, and even gave greeting cards a go for a while.
None of it was successful, because I was giving bits of myself to each one of them. I wasn’t fully committing to anything. So, I decided that 2017 would be the year of completion. I would put everything else down and I would push this thing out. I would give it all my focus. Truth is: I needed a win. I needed a big check off my list. That way I would know that if and when I actually put my mind to something that I could accomplish it. I needed to prove to myself that I have what it takes. That I don’t have to be afraid. Of myself. Of who I really am. Of who I can become. I needed to touch completion. Touch something I worked hard for in it’s final stage.
And I can tell you the way I feel writing this right now? The after? The “I did it” post? is beyond amazing. I feel like…
Like I can do anything. I feel unstoppable. I feel like if I can think it. Imagine it. Dream it?
I can have it. I believe that tonight as I prepare to hit the publish button on my website and update it so that people can purchase my first book. Notice I said first, because oh… more is coming. Especially now. I’m not a novice at this thing anymore. I got experience, baby!
Thank you for your endless encouragement. Sincerely, thank you for reading. You are such a huge part of this. I hope you know that. And I hope that you see me and KNOW that whatever you’ve been dreamin and thinkin up is yours. You’ll birth it when you’re ready.