I’m learning to hold on. Waves are a consistent push-pull in our lives. Creatively, I struggle with this. Sometimes I’m so very inspired and productive and motivated to live out my dreams. I go hard. I stay up late and write. I complete the first few steps of projects, and I get so excited at the thought of, like, really finishing the whole thing.
Or maybe I want to try a new routine. Like, swear, I’ve been trying to wake up an hour earlier for like five months now. I think I’ve been successful at it three times. Three. It’s like these waves come. They push me to be better, but then somehow I get pulled right back into my old habits. The ones I don’t want anymore.
I think I forget to remember that nothing happens over night, you know? And so, when I fail to do or be the thing I desire it pulls me way back. I get sucked down low. I feel disappointment in myself, and then I kinda just float there in the disappointment.
Instead, I think I need to be aware that waves are coming. And that when they do, I just gotta hold on. When they threaten to pull me back into that pool of self-doubt, I got find something to grab on to and refuse to let go.
They drown people all the time. The cause ships to get lost at sea. They are strong, and they can tire you out, especially if you’re swimming against them.
But what if…
What if I can learn to flow with the waves? What if I learn their behaviors, rhythm, beauty? Like a surfer who knows just when to get up on top of a wave and ride it to shore? What if I let the waves push me forward and then I hold on until the next one comes along and pushes me a little further? What if I can learn to let the waves work for me and not against me?
Then maybe I can finally get where I’m going. And that is what I long to do. I don’t wanna keep getting pulled back into the deep, because (if I’m honest) I’m beginning to get frustrated with myself. And that frustration is not conducive to creating. I need a clear mind. So. I’m again under construction (SEE PREVIOUS POST), and I’m okay with it.
I am going to begin (again) just with my routine. Earlier mornings are my goals. Please feel free to share any advice or experience with waves you may have. Leave a line here, or send me a private message.
Trial and error time. I will keep you posted on my journey.