catching my breath.
It’s been a long time coming. One relationship after the next. A break was long over due. A moment to catch my breath was necessary. And I’ve been doing that. Breathing easy now. Mind at ease. Heart steady.
I used to rush things. I used to do things without thinking them all the way through. Have you ever seen something you really want in the store, and convinced yourself you had to get it right then, or it might be gone when you return? I think I treated relationships that way. Like, ooh a good one, better grab him before it’s too late.
Instead of taking my time and exploring. Shopping around. Seeing if there was anything better elsewhere. Not that the thing I wanted wasn’t great, but maybe there was something better… elsewhere.
I never trusted the elsewhere part. I only believed in the here and now. I mean, Luther said it, “Here and Now”… I blame Luther Vandross. Ha. Kidding.
But seriously (as I have a small epiphany), I am an impulsive chooser. I’m like, “Oh this works. This is pretty good, so yeah, I’ma go with this.” Instead of being patient like, “This is nice. Really nice, actually, but I’m gonna shop around some. Weigh my options.”
I’ve never done that!
Now? I’m keeping my impulsive nature in check.
And I’ve been tempted, trust! There are some really amazing men out here in these city streets. Lol. Fine. Intelligent. Creative. Stylish. Successful. Mature than a mug. Well spoken. Well read. Well traveled. Experienced. I mean, seriously! Every other day I’m calling my best friend or my cousin like, “Are you sure it hasn’t been long enough for me to have a boyfriend? I mean, I’m coming up on a year of being on my own!” They listen to my rants. And the combination of hearing myself plus hearing their silence makes it very clear that it hasn’t been quite long enough yet. Crap.
Here’s the game changer, though: It’s no longer about the end result. It’s not about a set goal, like, I want a man/husband/boyfriend/this/that/the other. I want, I need to have… by this time… at this point… all that crap. It's not about all that. I don't know what the heck I want. It’s simply about the experience and learning as I go.
Analogy: I’m in a place where instead of making impulsive purchases, I’m just enjoying the fact that I’ve got the freedom to buy what I want IF I so choose to. I mean, is it more fun to actually shop, or buy? I’d say shop, because the possibilities remain endless. Once you buy, your bank account isn’t as pretty as it just was, and then you’re done. You wear it a time or two… and then, be honest… it gets pushed to the back of the closet to make room for more exciting things! AH! Omg!
So you see why it’s important to enjoy the shopping? Your bank account is full, and anything could happen.
I’m there now. Actually, I’m in the dressing room. Admiring different looks in the mirror. Loving on myself while I see what fits me best.
Yeah. I'm in here and it's really nice. The big three sided mirrors, so I can get a good look at myself.
And here’s the thing. Really.
Everyone I meet raises the bar in some way. I mean, I can honestly say my mind has been blown so many times in these past several months. Cortez kicked it all off in Vegas, and since then each experience has only gotten better.
That motivates me to take my time.
Self evolution is amazing. Devotion to growth. Sacrifice. Patience. Trust.
I firmly believe all these things are getting me to where I’m supposed to be.
Take your time, really. Catch your breath. Know that your time is now. Your time. Is now. Spend YOUR time (this time) wisely. All we have is now, right?
We can’t live in any other time than the present, so why dwell on it? We can’t go back. Can’t go forward. Own your now. Make your right now as beautiful you can. As beautiful as you are.