you still have my heart

Out on the farthest edge

there in the silence,

You were there.

My faith was torn to shreds,

my heart in the balance.

You were there.

Always faithful.

Always good.

 

Midnight thinking on the mercies of God:

 

I’ve lost myself before.  More than once.  I’ve felt that God was nowhere near.  I’ve gone far astray.  I have.  I’ve found myself so far gone it felt I’d never get back.  I have done things that I felt were unforgivable.  I’ve struggled with forgiving myself, which made it hard to believe God ever would.

 

I’ve struggled in my faith at times.  I’ve wanted answers and have demanded things from God.  I’ve been impatient.  I have given up on dreams.  Misplaced my hope a few times.

 

I’ve seen a lot.  Had my heart broken and broke many hearts.  I’ve been far from perfect.  I’ve let people down.  I’ve gotten things wrong.  I have been dead wrong before.

 

I’ve had broken pieces.  I’ve allowed the wrong people to try and put them back together.  I’ve turned to everyone but God before. 

 

I’ve pretended not to know what’s right.  I’ve turned my face.  I have.

 

I’ve missed opportunities to speak of You.  I’ve been silent when I should have spoken up.

I’ve spoken in places where I should have been silent.

I’ve ignored your voice.  I have not always obeyed.

 

 

I thought I had seen the end,

everything broken.

But you were there.

I’ve wandered at Heaven’s gates,

and made my bed in Hell.

But you were there still…

 

I couldn’t sleep, so I grabbed my headphones.  The song in the left column brought me to tears.

It’s by Michael Gungor.  The lyrics seem to have come from the very core of my soul.

 

 When I reflect on my life, I am so in awe of God’s amazing Love for me.

 

Alwayss faithful.

Always good.

You still have me.

You still have my heart.

 

That He still loves me.

He still loves me.

Loves me.

Me.

Messed up old me.

 

His love has changed my life.  He has taken it, as dark as it once was, and He is making me into something beautiful.  He’s changing my life!

He has not given up on me!

He makes all things new.

 

You know? Sometimes we can get so down on ourselves.  So low.  We can lose sight of the investment we are to God.  We are valuable to Him.  He loves us.

 

Becoming a mother has been the best example of how God can continue to love me.  No matter how many times my sweet girl, who's lying right here beside me, may mess up or refuse to follow my voice I would go to the ends of the Earth for her.

 

How much greater is God's love for us?

 

That's why I'll always find my may back  I will run to His arms, and allow them to be my resing place.  My hiding place.

 

When the world is too cruel.  When I can't seem to love myself.

 

I will think on His everlasting love for me.

 

And.

 

I'll love Him forever.  I make the wrong choices sometimes, but I love Him.  He loved me first, and I'll love Him forever! I am less than perfect, but I love Him.  His love for me is perfect!

He still has my heart.

Now and forever He has my heart.

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