“What are you so anxious about?” Dr. Rad often asks me. And “What are you striving so hard for?” my Houston based therapist, Dr. Daryl Bailey, likes to challenge.
“I don’t know…” is my honest answer. I think the unknowns in life just sometimes get the best of me. I am mostly certain that no matter what comes I will always be okay in the end, but some of my nights are restless as my mind carries me into an abyss of what ifs and pointless hypothetical scenarios of how things could turn out.
And other times it’s guilt that plagues me. And not even over big things, but little ones. Guilt about just not being a perfect mom or teacher everyday. Guilt about not saving enough money. Guilt about keeping the dog in the crate for too long. Guilt about not praying enough or not spending enough time with my family and friends. Sometimes these things get the absolute best of me.
Of course, I eventually come around to the conclusion: I’m doing the best I can, but in the back of my mind a little voice whispers, but are you though? Lol.
Truth is: I struggle in these areas although I know full well that they are either 1. Beyond what I can control. Or 2. Not worth the worry.
Why do I struggle? Probably because I’m human and also because I care about being the best version of myself. It’s a perpetual journey, though, and sometimes I have to remind myself of all the things I am doing right, or all the times when the things I couldn’t control actually worked out better than if I’d had my hand in them. Tuh.
So. As I go through my anxious moment of the month (it’s usually once a month around the same time) (some like to call it PMS) lol- I’m encouraging you and myself to let go, breathe, and believe that we are doing our best. Maybe not seven days out of the week in every area of our lives, but we’re balancing, we’re staying grounded, we’re keeping up with bills (mostly), being good stewards of our jobs (usually), keeping kids alive, and nurturing meaningful relationships, all while remembering to acknowledge and thank God every time we think on His grace. That's a lot, and it's not even half the list of all things we feel we have to master.
Last night, my body said, "Just stop," and I listened. I stayed in bed from 6:30 pm to 5:45 am. Didn't get up once. I needed a moment, and that's okay.
Thing is, this thing is not always easy y’all, but then again… nobody ever said it would be.
#keepgoing my friends.
We’ve got this (mostly) -lol